Daughter Says: “X-(person) sometimes buys us X-(item) – so I guess that makes X-(person) ‘pretty awesome’!”
Mom Replies: “Hmmmm…. BUYING things for someone doesn’t necessarily make a person awesome. It makes that GESTURE awesome – but not necessarily that person…. (Depends on the motive.) A boy might buy you something pretty one day, to make you think he’s awesome – and he could turn out to be not-so-awesome. (Or, he could be awesome – but then that just makes his gesture that much MORE awesome!)”
Now – how this “Mom” wishes to elaborate on this further without the distraction of prepping lunches and breakfasts, and getting kids out the door to school! If I could continue – it’d read something like this:
“What makes a PERSON awesome isn’t what they might buy for you. It’s how they RELATE to you.
AWESOME – is when someone chooses to see you – I mean REALLY SEEEEEEEE you – for all that you TRULY are – not through any fear-based, twisted perceptions – but YOU. The REAL you. They ALLOW you to BE YOU, and they don’t judge you for it. They see your soul. They don’t just see your choices in life (after all, we all make mistakes or poor choices at times)…. They CHOOSE (it is a choice) to see you for how you show up in the world. And rather than fearing your differences, they recognize that differences make each of us unique, and make life interesting, and they instead embrace your differences.
People who are awesome generally aren’t afraid to show up in the world and shine with you. But if something holds them back, they don’t place the blame for that on you. They still appreciate and gain inspiration from you. They aren’t fearful of YOU, or your bright light. They like to bask in it, and see the value in doing so. After all, they can SEE that in your heart you know that a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. And, they can see that people who shine brightly and follow their own path aren’t inherently ‘out to get’ those who may stay on a more comfortable, worn, and safe-feeling path. They see that your choices aren’t about THEM. Your choices are about YOU.
Awesome people see that when YOU make choices that are aligned with who YOU are, it doesn’t mean you are implying that their choices are somehow ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ or ‘poor’ or ‘less than’ – only different. And that’s OK. It’s actually more than okay – it’s fantastic. If we all came here and did the same exact thing in robotic fashion – how boring would life be? AND, they don’t make you feel bad about YOUR choices either! They don’t think that they know the only ‘right’ way for you because they value the fact that the ‘right’ way is a different way for EVERYBODY. Only you will know what is BEST for YOU. They respect that – even if they would choose differently.
The most awesome people never claim that they love you, and then proceed to shower you with ‘love’ in the form of expectations, judgement, belittlement, assumptions, lies, guilt-trips, and attempts at dimming your flame due to their own fears. The most awesome people may feel fearful about a decision you make, but they will support you anyway – because they UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE NOT YOU. And they LOVE you. So – they support you – even if your choice isn’t the same as what they might choose.
When someone is awesome – they are also willing to accept responsibility when they’ve done something to hurt you, and then they try to make it better. They apologize – which is not only noble, but it also allows the other person to see that there was recognition of a mistake, AND a desire for a renewed connection. Because let’s face it, REAL connection can’t happen through masks, false perceptions, attempts at control, or unaddressed pain, or other unattended business. Authentic communication, authentic acceptance, authentic forgiveness, authentic self-realization, and authentic openness – are all what lead to authentic connection.
Awesome people never buy things for you under false pretenses. They don’t seek to control or manipulate you with guilt-trips. They don’t want to impress you or make you think highly of them. They don’t buy you things because it’s expected, and they might ‘look bad’ if they don’t. They’ll never choose to buy you something to gain your love, because they fear they might have fallen short in other ways of showing you ‘love’ – and they feel that purchasing things helps offset the lack of authentic love.
Awesome people give TRULY & PURELY from the heart – Without expectations. Without assumptions. Without obligation. Without a desire to manipulate or place guilt on you. NOT because “You must now reciprocate in some way….” – by showing up at a certain event, or by agreeing to something you might not otherwise choose, or by returning the ‘favor’, or being expected to drop what holds meaning for you to be ‘the martyr’ and pick up their slack…
Primarily – Awesome people give simply because they really WANT to. A show of pure love. Gifts are the most awesome when the people behind them are awesome – because they have simply thought about you and enjoy seeing YOUR joy. They like FANNING YOUR FLAME (rather than dimming it)…. They know that you don’t need a gift to ‘see’ their love, because they have already shown you authentic love. And whether they realize it or not – when your flame is fanned (through all of those authenticity-based, NON-physical gifts – of openness, connection, bonding, making memories, a shoulder to lean on without judgement, shared laughter, shared tears – ways that speak much more loudly than physical gifts) – it makes their day brighter too. But most of the time they don’t even quite realize that part while they are sharing in that two-way joy! When the connection is authentic, you are basking in their glow too – and celebrating who they are.
AWESOME people give of THEMSELVES more, and welcome YOU – as you are – fully – to shine brightly, and share your unique [NON-physical] “gifts” with the world too.
Let me ask you something now…. Think back to your favorite Christmas memory…. Was it ‘awesome’ because of a ‘gift’? Or was it the experience – and the FEELING you had, and the people you were with?
Regardless of possible motives – show appreciation for the gifts you receive. But just know this….
Physical gifts aren’t what make people “awesome”. The INTANGIBLE gifts ARE.”