You Can’t Buy Me Love…

youreallycannotbuyloveonTheVitalityLounge.com

Daughter Says: “X-(person) sometimes buys us X-(item) – so I guess that makes X-(person) ‘pretty awesome’!”

Mom Replies: “Hmmmm…. BUYING things for someone doesn’t necessarily make a person awesome. It makes that GESTURE awesome – but not necessarily that person…. (Depends on the motive.) A boy might buy you something pretty one day, to make you think he’s awesome – and he could turn out to be not-so-awesome. (Or, he could be awesome – but then that just makes his gesture that much MORE awesome!)”

Now – how this “Mom” wishes to elaborate on this further without the distraction of prepping lunches and breakfasts, and getting kids out the door to school! If I could continue – it’d read something like this:

“What makes a PERSON awesome isn’t what they might buy for you. It’s how they RELATE to you.

AWESOME – is when someone chooses to see you – I mean REALLY SEEEEEEEE you – for all that you TRULY are – not through any fear-based, twisted perceptions – but YOU. The REAL you. They ALLOW you to BE YOU, and they don’t judge you for it. They see your soul. They don’t just see your choices in life (after all, we all make mistakes or poor choices at times)…. They CHOOSE (it is a choice) to see you for how you show up in the world. And rather than fearing your differences, they recognize that differences make each of us unique, and make life interesting, and they instead embrace your differences.

People who are awesome generally aren’t afraid to show up in the world and shine with you. But if something holds them back, they don’t place the blame for that on you. They still appreciate and gain inspiration from you. They aren’t fearful of YOU, or your bright light. They like to bask in it, and see the value in doing so. After all, they can SEE that in your heart you know that a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. And, they can see that people who shine brightly and follow their own path aren’t inherently ‘out to get’ those who may stay on a more comfortable, worn, and safe-feeling path. They see that your choices aren’t about THEM. Your choices are about YOU.

Awesome people see that when YOU make choices that are aligned with who YOU are, it doesn’t mean you are implying that their choices are somehow ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ or ‘poor’ or ‘less than’ – only different. And that’s OK. It’s actually more than okay – it’s fantastic. If we all came here and did the same exact thing in robotic fashion – how boring would life be? AND, they don’t make you feel bad about YOUR choices either! They don’t think that they know the only ‘right’ way for you because they value the fact that the ‘right’ way is a different way for EVERYBODY. Only you will know what is BEST for YOU. They respect that – even if they would choose differently.

The most awesome people never claim that they love you, and then proceed to shower you with ‘love’ in the form of expectations, judgement, belittlement, assumptions, lies, guilt-trips, and attempts at dimming your flame due to their own fears. The most awesome people may feel fearful about a decision you make, but they will support you anyway – because they UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE NOT YOU. And they LOVE you. So – they support you – even if your choice isn’t the same as what they might choose.

When someone is awesome – they are also willing to accept responsibility when they’ve done something to hurt you, and then they try to make it better. They apologize – which is not only noble, but it also allows the other person to see that there was recognition of a mistake, AND a desire for a renewed connection. Because let’s face it, REAL connection can’t happen through masks, false perceptions, attempts at control, or unaddressed pain, or other unattended business. Authentic communication, authentic acceptance, authentic forgiveness, authentic self-realization, and authentic openness – are all what lead to authentic connection.

Awesome people never buy things for you under false pretenses. They don’t seek to control or manipulate you with guilt-trips. They don’t want to impress you or make you think highly of them. They don’t buy you things because it’s expected, and they might ‘look bad’ if they don’t. They’ll never choose to buy you something to gain your love, because they fear they might have fallen short in other ways of showing you ‘love’ – and they feel that purchasing things helps offset the lack of authentic love.

Awesome people give TRULY & PURELY from the heart – Without expectations. Without assumptions. Without obligation. Without a desire to manipulate or place guilt on you. NOT because “You must now reciprocate in some way….” – by showing up at a certain event, or by agreeing to something you might not otherwise choose, or by returning the ‘favor’, or being expected to drop what holds meaning for you to be ‘the martyr’ and pick up their slack…

Primarily – Awesome people give simply because they really WANT to. A show of pure love. Gifts are the most awesome when the people behind them are awesome – because they have simply thought about you and enjoy seeing YOUR joy. They like FANNING YOUR FLAME (rather than dimming it)…. They know that you don’t need a gift to ‘see’ their love, because they have already shown you authentic love. And whether they realize it or not – when your flame is fanned (through all of those authenticity-based, NON-physical gifts – of openness, connection, bonding, making memories, a shoulder to lean on without judgement, shared laughter, shared tears – ways that speak much more loudly than physical gifts) – it makes their day brighter too. But most of the time they don’t even quite realize that part while they are sharing in that two-way joy! When the connection is authentic, you are basking in their glow too – and celebrating who they are.

AWESOME people give of THEMSELVES more, and welcome YOU – as you are – fully – to shine brightly, and share your unique [NON-physical] “gifts” with the world too.

Let me ask you something now…. Think back to your favorite Christmas memory…. Was it ‘awesome’ because of a ‘gift’? Or was it the experience – and the FEELING you had, and the people you were with?

Regardless of possible motives – show appreciation for the gifts you receive. But just know this….
Physical gifts aren’t what make people “awesome”. The INTANGIBLE gifts ARE.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 Responses

  1. Hello! I have a question regarding the MyPillow. I read that you like it and you only will comment and stand by products that you truly like. Can you tell me what you like about it? I’m considering purchasing for myself and my husband. However, I have been reading bad reviews. Wanted to get more insight from someone that I trust. Thank you.

    • dmackladykp2

      Hi Dana,

      Happy to be your trusted confidant!

      I have had neck/ shoulder/ headache issues for many years. (I have a mildly herniated disk in the neck, and have struggled with managing shoulder tension that radiates into my neck, causing migraines.) I’ve learned over the years that my sleeping posture has contributed immensely to this problem.

      For several years, I had a down-filled pillow that I loved. I could shape it and re-shape it as needed, to support my head and neck just now I needed it to. Eventually it came time to replace that pillow – when I could no longer get it to shape properly after many years of wear.

      I tried a number of different fills/ sizes of down-filled pillows, and couldn’t get it ‘right’. I was sleeping poorly, and waking in pain. I even tried a Sleep Number pillow, and several other types of pillows – all with minimal improvements over the others (if any).

      I saw a commercial for the “My Pillow” – and thought – I have to try this. (At this point – I was so tired of throwing away money on pillows that I was super hesitant – even with the sale they were having!) But I felt like it was necessary to keep trying – for that ability to get into deep restorative sleep, and wake up without pain.

      Try #1) Definite improvement – but I had purchased the medium-build pillow to begin with. It felt like it was propping my head up too far when on my back. (And it really does hold well – so I couldn’t get it ‘flat’ enough for my needs.) Thankfully – they had a (30-day? – If I’m remembering correctly…) exchange policy. After a week or so, tried the smaller pillow for my petite frame.

      Try #2) – With smaller pillow/ fill – The Results: I haven’t looked back!
      I love that I can ‘flatten’ it out to a certain degree for back-sleeping (which I do primarily- and which has been recommended by my chiropractor!) But also, I can ‘bunch it up’ where needed for more support – when I want to turn onto my side. It’s machine washable, and I can flatten it for travel (in a bag that removes the air to squeeze it down – for the suitcase – I usually bring it everywhere!)Plus, I can fluff it up in the dryer – and then shape it to just where I need it for optimal support.

      It’s been a life-saver for me with my sleeping posture and my ability to shape the pillow as needed. I also LOVE being able to take it with me anywhere – knowing I can just toss it into the washing machine as needed. But that’s just a bonus perk. Most important to me is waking up without pain!

      I know some people feel it is ‘lumpy’ because of the way the internal materials are designed (so that the pillow won’t go flat, but can still be adjusted to your liking.) However, I’ve never had an issue with this. It’s never felt lumpy to me. If I need to just fluff or stuff it in a certain area to adjust – I do so. It’s so easy & ideal.

      I hope this backstory gives you a little bit better insight into my personal experience. After trying so many pillows – and loving this one – I can’t say enough good! Everyone is different, of course – but it sure seems like this pillow offers the ideal versatility – that just about anyone could benefit from. It’s one of the reasons I feel so confident about recommending it.

      I hope that if you decide to go for it – that you both find the customized comfort brings you super restful sleep! *(Keep in mind that you can use that exchange time frame to experiment with other fills/ sizes if it seems too full or too flat for your needs.)

      Let me know if you have any more specific questions. Wishing you good luck & peaceful sleep! 🙂
      ~D.

  2. Thank you! Very helpful! I will be ordering them this week! 🙂

  3. dmackladykp2

    No prob – and glad I could help! Hoping you love them as much as I do! 🙂

  4. […] is fitting as the holidays approach…a potential minefield of guilt. It’s a wonderful time to do nice things for others, and I hope that you do, but beware of the disease to please and any accompanying guilt. If you […]

  5. […] cannot be bought with gifts, promises, or other […]

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